Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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