who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize