We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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