I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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