My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
