there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize