Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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