You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We left an ass print on the piano.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
