that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
