He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize