There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
