First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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