Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
