was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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