K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
