I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
