I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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