that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
