I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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