He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
