you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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