I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
