I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
