he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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