i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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