I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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