I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
