around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
