I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize