it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
