Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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