I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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