No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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