Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
don't judge my taste in strippers
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
