I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
