Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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