he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We are all done wearing pants today
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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