I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
