Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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