I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
