why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
