It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
