great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
