woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
