apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
