The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
