She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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