Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
