I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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