If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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