i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
