If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
