High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
