Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
