Will you blow on my dice?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
