you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
