There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
