She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
