My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
