He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize