my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
