you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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