New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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