I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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