Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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