He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
