So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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