I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
