carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
