Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
