who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize