I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this hospital has no fireball
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
jump out the window naked night went bad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
