he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
