I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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