do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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