hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize