i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
