Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize