I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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