Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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