I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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