I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
