I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
