ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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