Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
