I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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