Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
