can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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