I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
