I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
