On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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