I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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