I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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