He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
