i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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