i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
