Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
