I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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