Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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