i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize