I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
