Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
