my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
